What would you say if someone told you a friend of yours had been seeking a fool proof method to clean the windows of the car in car washes for over forty years, and still wasn’t satisfied that he found it? Well I’m the guy, and you’re the friend.
Let me introduce myself since maybe you haven’t heard about me, and my weird obsession. I’m Ira Feinberg, alias “The Dean Of Clean”. Washed and polished millions of cars (maybe that’s why I’m so strange) I have been a marketer of car wash products, designer of car wash systems, seminar leader, author of the book “Make Your Fortune Washing Cars” originator of Express Detailing “Tech Shield® Express Polishing System, developed, designed and implemented the first window cleaning system for full service car washes, The Hot Glass® system with a warmer and three towels for perfect windows everytime. Taught window cleaning in Germany to 20 German Car Wash managers, first in German and then in English since no one could understand my German. Established the first school for car wash training “The University For A Totally Clean Car” (attendees actually got a diploma). And finally traipsing around the United States and overseas on fifty to sixty consulting jobs helping operators improve their profitability. This introduction should tell you that you are dealing with a real car washer, in my blood, in my tears, and in my bank account. So at this ripe old-age of eighty-two where both the Devil and the Lord, dare sizing me up where they want me to assign me, I’m about to share with you my brothers (all car wash owners, attendants, and mortgage holders are brothers indeed), that I have finally solved the problem of perfect window with my latest patent application “The Towel Humidor” which once and for all will satisfy the most skeptical of all those who doubt my claims.
But first before I enlighten you on my latest car wash system and its newest and most crucial addition, I want to share with you why window cleaning has been an obsession of mine, and why I think it is the first step in producing a clean car that will make the toughest customer critic purr when he or she sees their washed vehicle.
Clean sparkling windows are what the customer sees when they leave your car wash. If they are smeary, streaked, have had marks all over them (which sometimes appear the following day after they have washed their car when they turn on the defroster), and where they may not come back even to complain about how poor your cleaning job was. So I still see today in many car washes, that the technology used fifty years ago is still being used today with the disregarding
of how the windows really look when the customer leaves. Squirt bottles (every month many are lost or damaged) spray guns that look high tech but still allow spotting on the seats and fail equally as do squirt bottles. Washing machines that fail miserably in really cleaning towels since they have no real rinse system to flush out the real dirt. Chemicals that look like the real stuff but fail miserably because their formulas don’t have the slightest relevance to glass cleaning. Finally spray cans with the stuff that looks good but aren’t green, but fail just the same, and with the cost of 100 times what it should cost to clean windows. But you know what Barnum said “There is a sucker born every minute” . Oh well, you get the point. A new system is born. Designed by that innovator who keeps trying to get it right. Perfect Windows Everytime. Ira A. Feinberg, The Dean Of Clean.
Thus my obsession is born from a simple universal idea. The Customer comes first. Satisfy the customer. Meet their needs. Their standards. Their wishes. I learned early on that if I could get the windows right all the other things that I needed to do would follow suit. So perfect windows translates into perfect wheels, and perfect rocker panels, perfect body cleaning, perfect mirrors, perfect vacuuming, perfect this, and perfect that, until Walla, a perfectly clean car, and the reason your customer comes back to you every time they need a wash, and tells twenty people what a great job you do.
Now I will take advantage of your patience since I have gained your interest in getting you more customers, and holding on to your regulars, and less I forget above all, putting more money in your bank account. Isn’t that what’s it all about except buying that Channel bag for your wife or girlfriend?
It’s a little complicated, and I don’t want you to feel I’m starting a revolution. So simply put, I have a new invention to be added to the history of Car Wash Evolution, that has fulfilled my dream for achieving perfect windows. I will share it with anyone who emails me (email@example.com) or calls me at 800 872 8695 on the procedure. Now you can go back to getting perfect windows every time. Here’s another alternative choice. Take a sledge hammer and hit the center of the window. Be sure not to hit your customers in retaliation for their complaints. This works everytime also.
Here is the finale. My latest invention is a special humidor that after the towels are absolutely so clean you could use them to dry yourself off after a hot bath, I inject a special formula into the towels and place them in a “Humidor” to keep them moist and at a constant temperature, fresh, and maintaining a safe and effective window cleaner in them. Now you can give your poor attendant who is usually given a squirt bottle, a rag of some sorts that isn’t really clean, and is told to clean the windows of the car. No matter how he tries. No matter how he turns the towel here and there, and then uses a second towel to buff out the dirt and residue from the first one, he fails, (the poor soul) for being blamed for something he can’t possibly do because he just has not been given the right towels and chemicals.
So my brothers I urge you to register my words and take some action to build your business by starting with my obsession. “Perfect Windows” translated into Carwashese is “A Perfect Car”, and surely a perfect bank account.
Written by Ira A Feinberg. Ira can reached by email, firstname.lastname@example.org or by phone, 973 751 1100, for comments or advice on How To Achieve Perfect Windows Everytime and how to make more money at your car wash.